I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
