Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
