So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
