Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
