omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
