I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
