It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
