that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
