There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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