Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
