I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
