The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize