Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
