No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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