I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
