she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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