Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
