consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
