no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
