I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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