Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
