The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
