Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Randomize
