My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize