So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
