I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
