And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
