Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
