There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
