Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
