how can u be prego again
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
