i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
