I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
