got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize