Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
