i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
