While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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