People with herpes should wear stickers.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
