It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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