Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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