Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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