evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
