why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize