please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize