I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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