Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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