Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
