I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
