is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
