ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
