so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
