I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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