I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
