i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
