why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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