It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
that's an acceptable place to lick
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
