the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
