just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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