were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
