Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
