I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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