Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
