at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
