What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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