"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
