i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We had to coat check the pizza.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
