did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize