I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
be right there i have to get my cape
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
